


4:30am, I'm Awake Again

by ChampagneSly



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Lack of Communication, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2463020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChampagneSly/pseuds/ChampagneSly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A vague undefined future fic in which Sousuke opens the door for Rin's unpredictable, late night visits that begin with sex and end in dissatisfaction of the heart, and Sousuke can’t find the words to ask for more. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>Sousuke slips his tongue into Rin’s begging mouth, closes his eyes and wishes that they would talk more and f*ck less.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	4:30am, I'm Awake Again

**Author's Note:**

> Brief, angst-y SouRin (with a side of smut) that was inspired by some conversations I had with Haku about the ways in which both Sousuke and Rin could be selfish. Also she encourages this darker side of my writing. Also an excuse for purple prose. Hooray!
> 
> *title borrowed from Above & Beyond's "Can't Sleep."

Sousuke slips his tongue into Rin’s begging mouth, closes his eyes and wishes that they would talk more and fuck less.

It goes like this:

The call comes at 4:30 in the morning and Sousuke says yes, even though he should say no.  He opens his door and lets Rin inside, even though it’s been months since he’s seen the fire of Rin’s eyes, (perhaps Sousuke counts himself lucky that the childhood abandonment of _years_ has been replaced by only months), because there’s still a part of clinging to the idea that no matter how far Rin runs, he always ends up here.

Sousuke holds up his fist to return Rin’s hello, plays the game that they’re just old friends because Rin smiles for him as their fingers meet and Sousuke knows that Rin is only seconds away from dropping the pretense that he didn’t come here to get fucked.

Sousuke also knows they aren’t lovers, not really, not when Rin only wants Sousuke on his terms. Rin comes to him when he’s pent-up and bored, home again after weeks and months on the road, when he’s deprived of the rush of competition and all that restless ambition turns into desire. Sousuke wants Rin all the time, craves the arch of his back and the hollow of his throat, but he believes that Rin will never say what he needs to hear, will never do more than stand in Sousuke’s hallway and ask for Sousuke’s cock.

It’s the same as it’s always been: Rin chases gold and Sousuke chases Rin, and neither of them really care what gets broken on the way (shoulders and dreams and hearts).

Sousuke knows he should tell Rin to go home or tell him to go find some other lovesick fool to make him come--he’s had the words on the tip of his tongue for so long he’s memorized the shape of _I can’t do this any more_ \--but he swallows them along with Rin’s _hey_.

Sousuke pushes Rin into a bed still warm from his interrupted sleep, strips him bare and watches the city lights dance on his skin. Rin parts his legs, grasping and greedy for the press of Sousuke’s body, for the caress of his fingers and the bite of his mouth. It’s been an eternity since they touched but Sousuke knows that even if he never saw Rin again, his hands would always remember how tease out the warmth of Rin’s desire.

Rin reaches for  him and Sousuke thinks that Rin is never more beautiful than when he’s selfish.

But Sousuke knows that he is selfish, too, as stubborn and single-minded in his love. He knows he should set them both free, give up these frantic early morning fucks that leave him heart-burned and desperate for more, but he can’t give up the taste of Rin on his teeth.

He can’t give up the thrill of Rin clinging to be and demanding to be fucked, because if he can’t have Rin’s love, Sousuke will have his lust.

It’s too good between them, Sousuke thinks, to quit this addiction. Too good to risk opening his mouth and going cold turkey, deprived of even these occasional hits.

He takes his time, gets high slowly on softness of Rin’s lips and the firmness of his body, takes the breath from Rin’s sighs into his own lungs and turns them into moans. He remembers every selfish, stubborn, beautiful curve and bend of Rin’s body, re-learns the arched lines of Rin’s throat and the tender skin behind his ear.

Through the haze of yearning and want, Sousuke turns Rin over and kisses each and every vertebra, uses his hands to spread legs that win medals and run to places he can’t follow over and over again. In saner times, when he doesn’t wake up in the morning with thin red scratches down his arms, Sousuke tells himself he can get over this, can get over the power he feels when Rin opens his thighs and pushes his hips into the tease of Sousuke’s tongue.

But when Rin looks over his shoulder with those wide, wet eyes and murmurs his name with that pretty mouth, Sousuke knows that everything he tells himself is a lie. Every time Rin says his name, hope damns Sousuke to waiting, to wanting. He knows that he should use his lips and tongue to do more than make Rin beg, but Sousuke also knows that he has never been very good at telling Rin the truth.

As Rin’s body opens for him, warm and tight and welcoming, Sousuke kisses Rin silent, pulls his too-early morning moans into his mouth and keeps them secret. He folds Rin in half, feels the tremble of those famous muscles on his shoulders as he takes his time with the sort of long, slow deliberate strokes that come far too close to making love.

But Rin doesn’t notice, only clings to Sousuke, with his arms around Sousuke’s neck and toes curling in the air beside Sousuke’s ears, his chest heaving in time to the staccato thundering of Sousuke’s heart. Sousuke watches pleasure stain Rin’s face red. He takes pride in the slackness of Rin’s wet mouth as he licks up the sighs that rumble in his throat and angles his hips just enough to make Rin’s eyes pop open.

Sousuke cups Rin’s chin in the palm of his hand, demands without a word that Rin look at him, to see who it is that holds him in the forgotten hours of the day and fucks him breathless. Rin keeps his gaze steady, lashes fluttering with each little push-pull of Sousuke’s cock. Sousuke wants to confess that he fears he’ll never be more than a layover on Rin’s itinerary, that he worries he’ll never have more than this. Sousuke wants to tell Rin that he loves him, that he has always loved him. He knows that one day he’ll have no choice, knows that there will come a time when he can’t hear another 'see you later', when he can’t abide the loneliness of his life before Rin’s 4:30am.

Rin’s eyes close as his body goes taut within Sousuke’s arms. Sousuke forgets his courage in the clench of Rin around him, loses his every good intention in the searing rush of Rin’s desire.When Sousuke comes, Rin kisses him with a hungry, gasping mouth, shares his satiation with wide, open mouthed enthusiasm and Sousuke takes it all, steals every last bit Rin wants to give and tells himself that in the morning, when they wake up, he’ll ask Rin for more.

~~

Hours later, Sousuke wakes to hot sunshine in his eyes and a note where Rin is supposed to be. The innocent white paper tells him 'thanks', tells Sousuke that 'he is the best' and that Rin can’t wait to see him the next time he’s in town for a few hours.

Sousuke closes his eyes and wished they had talked more and fucked less.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
